If An Alcoholic Is Unwilling To Get Help, What Can You Do About It?

When it comes to getting treatment for alcoholism, the “best case scenario” (if such a term can be applied to alcohol abuse and dependence) is one in which the person with the problem realizes that professional intervention is called for, and voluntarily enters treatment.

Unfortunately, many alcoholic individuals don’t believe that they have a problem, and are thus unlikely to seek professional help of their own volition. However, this doesn’t mean that friends and loved ones of an person who has been abusing alcohol are limited to standing idly by until the person hits “rock bottom.”

Alcoholic adults cannot be forced into treatment unless they have been ordered to by a court of law, or a medical emergency has occurred. But there are a range of additional techniques that friends and loved ones can employ to help an alcoholic acknowledge the nature and severity of the program and agree to enter a treatment program.

The following are a few tips to help you address treatment with an alcoholic friend or family member who does not seem to be in favor of the idea:

1. Stop enabling the behavior. You don’t want to see your loved one get hurt – and alcoholism can hurt in many, many ways – so there’s a good chance that you’re taking small and not-so-small steps to shield your loved ones from the damage that his alcoholism is inflicting upon his life. Stop doing this. One of the reasons that he thinks his drinking isn’t bad enough to require treatment is that you’re helping him to evade the pain that he’s causing to himself and others. It may be difficult, but allowing your loved one to bear the full brunt of his alcoholism may be the best gift you can give him.

2. Talk to a friend. If your loved one is an alcoholic, it’s highly unlikely that you’re the only one who has noticed her problem. Talk to a mutual friend or family member to confirm your feelings, discuss the problem, and plan to get her into the treatment that she needs. Alcoholism can be a difficult dragon to slay, so don’t try to do battle alone. Band together with others who care for your loved one – and who agree that she needs treatment – and work together to accomplish this very worthwhile objective.

3. Educate yourself. Alcoholism is a nefarious disorder that remains somewhat mysterious (and misunderstood) even by those who have studied it or been affected by it – so don’t think that watching a television special or reading one article has given you all the information that you need. Learn about the disorder itself and the treatment options that are available in your area. If your loved one agrees to get help, make sure you are prepared to act upon that decision.

4. Get help. Talk to an addiction professional or contact a local chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous to discuss the best plan of action for getting your loved one into treatment. Learn how to talk to an alcoholic about their problem, find out what not to do, and increase your awareness of the resources in your area that can provide essential support for your alcoholic loved one as well as those who care for or are dependent upon this person.

5. Intervene at an appropriate time. Confronting an alcoholic while he is drinking or drunk is an exercise in futility. Plan your discussion for an appropriate time and location – for example, after an alcohol-related problem (such as a family argument or a failure at work) has occurred, but when the person is sober. Find a private, non-threatening location where you can express your concerns, and offer assistance.

6. Be specific and direct, but nonjudgmental. Though alcoholism generates strong emotions, talking to a friend about his problem is not the time to tend toward the dramatic. Be specific about the problems your loved one’s drinking has caused (“last week you forgot to pick up your daughter from school because you were drunk”) without being judgmental (“you’re ruining your daughter’s life because your drinking makes you a terrible mother!”). Also be specific about what you want to accomplish (get your loved one into treatment), and how you will change your behavior (you won’t cover up any more, you won’t lend money any more, you won’t accompany him anywhere that alcohol is being served). Be careful not to make ultimatums (“if you don’t get help today, I’ll never speak to you again”) unless you intend to fulfill these promises.

7. Be ready to act. Your conversation with your friend may prompt her to agree to get professional help for her alcoholism. If so, be ready to do whatever you need to do to make this happen – including making the necessary appointments, accompanying her to the treatment facility, or making childcare arrangements for her children.

Alcoholism can be a devastating disorder, but people don’t have to hit “rock bottom” before they can benefit from treatment. If someone you love has a problem with alcohol, learn all that you can about the disorder and potential treatment options, get help from professionals and other concerned parties, and be prepared to help your loved one every step of the way along the path out of addiction and toward a healthier and happier future.